Midnight thought #1: #soweird

You see.

We've known each other for like two years. Since i've started working with 'this' company. We don't see each other often, but when we do, he'll come out with a topic that would make the conversation goes smoothly and warm. And i like it because i'm a quiet and awkward person so i'd usually appreciate it when someone makes an effort to talk to me even stupid things.

One time, i don't know how 'this' strange man ended up finding shelter at my working place, he took an effort to ask if the strange man ever done anything not nice to me. I said, "No, but he'd done something to my friend." It was as if he didn't hear my second sentence because he said something like, "That's okay, then, if he didn't do anything bad to people." I was like, "Didn't you hear what I said?" I didn't notice anything weird on him – like his behaviour towards me – until recently. Suddenly, everything is connected and i discovered the reason why he said such things.

Late last year, something happened between us that worked as a start of our friendship. We became warmer towards each other. We joked more. We talked more. We laughed and smiled more. Then, there was this situation where i was out on my off-day and, i don't know how, but bumped into each other at a mall. I was by myself and he was with a friend. He joked about me going out with a date. Few days later, i found out that he talked about it to my colleague, and it was weird that he didn't mention about my "date" to my friend.

Then, 2020 came.

He became more attracted to me. He smiled lot more with me unlike with my other colleagues. Until we reach to the point where two of my closest colleagues noticed how he behave with me. I thought it was funny at first, because i thought no one actually ever noticed it. But i didn't take that as a bad sign.

I continued to be his friend. I laughed when he made jokes. I try to free myself around the hour when he'd usually come to my working place. So for two months, we would see each other almost every day, and in between here, we both know that we like each other. At times, when we'd meet, he'd show me that he cares and notices some things that i didn't even think he'd remember.

But things get weirder and weirder.

I've never showed him that i care because i'm scared to show that i care because i've been broken just because of that. I'm okay with 'love' but not 'care'. Not that i'm saying he ignored me, but there were a few occasions where his mind is somewhere else and i know that he's distracted but i never put an effort to ask.

Until one day when i decided to ask for his number.

Thing is, i asked if he already had a girlfriend few days prior. He said no, and i was like, okay. So i'm good to annoy him while he's playing his game. Two days later, he came.

He was quiet and that's where i finally decided to ask for his number to get to know him. He asked why, but i figured that he doesn't want to give me so i quickly apologised if he didn't like me asking about his relationship status. He replied shortly, and something that i didn't actually satisfied.

But i didn't ask him anything further. I didn't push him to declare anything about us because i believe, when the time comes, we'll eventually say it towards each other.

Then today happened. I ignored him completely because i was disappointed with things that happened between us. I'm not mad at him, but for the time being, i feel nothing. After he left, i asked my friend if he sneaked a look at me, and my friend said, "He did, but with annoyance." And he was okay at first, but after seeing me ignoring him, i could feel him bothered.

Wow, he cared, huh?

I'd appreciate it, and i would understand more if he made an effort to tell me about us like, "I like you. We're friends. Either we end up together or not, i can't promise you, but i want to be your friend." So i'd be clear to what's happening between us. However, the current situation is that, he didn't say anything. He LITERALLY didn't say, but he cares SO much about my question and my behaviour. It happened a few times that he looked bothered when i didn't talk or even glance at him.