Midnight thought #2: #ithurts

I understand why he treats me like this and like that. I know it when he genuinely cares. It's all about instinct. I never once thought he's giving me mixed signals because i just know. (I had this huge crush on this boy before him and i was constantly thinking if he likes me because i often caught him staring at me but never approach me. WHY.) I feel it, but the more i get to know him, the more i realised that he has mixed feelings towards me. Once day I asked if he already has a girlfriend. He said, no, but, the next day when we met, he'd ignore me. (But too care and curious enough to wanting to know what i was talking about with my friends). I tried to text him to say that i'm sorry if he didn't like it when i ask him about his girlfriend, but he ignored my apology and tried to shift the conversation into something else. The next few days when we met, i ignored him completely and i have a feeling that he was annoyed with my behaviour.

Huh, WHY?!

Look, as a friend, i've put an effort to get to know him better and tried to reconcile with him after knowing that i'd done something not right, but he chose to not make it a big deal, yet when i did what i did to him, he is ANNOYED?

I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed with myself for caring a person who doesn't care about my feelings. It hurts, but on a second thought, i know i'd done the right thing – that is to communicate – and the shame is on him. I know what to do next time we meet, then. I understand that he is battling with his own feelings. Either one day he will realise it or not, that's on him. But for now, i'll continue to be his friend like we used to, but minus the caring part.